the road of Music
The photograph that follows is of a road lined with cherry blossom trees in full bloom reflected by a lake. The petals of pink covering the road and reflecting in the pond could be a fairytale cloak.
Upon the photo is written in ink: 'The road was only meant for one.'
The years have become different lifetimes and versions of me. Once this, then that, then what was that? Good grief. Start over. Start over again. A life that could be described as 'consistently inconsistent'. Behind every new face I wore, was a heart and soul that beat for music undeclared.
There was always a more important call, a heavier responsibility to carry, a different excuse to overshadow any passion for creating music. Missed opportunities or situations that did not fit. Musician friends would knock at my door and invite me to play with them and I would politely decline. They had no idea of the agony of loss I wanted to forget forever. The past with its baggage of grief weighed in on every decision and would turn me away one more time. No music could ever be as good as the music I once played.
And still the siren call would sound. Uncaring of my indifference. Never mindful my anger.
the siren call of Music
The siren call of music has a fire attached to it. It burns deep within one's soul. Its a part of who we are - we the musicians. The music is our primary language. And without our music, our expressions are flat, our lives lived in the shallows. If somewhere our musical hearts were broken, strangely, the music which could heal us is cast aside with impunity and hatred. The music had become the source of our perfidy.
Late last winter the siren call came again. This time in the middle of Beth Kempton's Winter Writing Sanctuary class. It spoke to me of the wild goose who does. I hesitated to acknowledge, it - knowing the depth of response it would require.
I was curious and listened to the call.
Once the door is open, it will not shut again.
A song called Ashokan Farewell
I am not sure whether I am trying to convince myself or you the reader of this new change.
Looking back, the last musical group I had the honor to play with introduced me to a beautiful song called 'Ashokan Farewell'. We performed at The Cathedral of The Rockies in Boise, with our eclectic mixture of bluegrass and gospel. The performance was ten years ago.
The heartache of the past was overwhelming and I slammed the door quickly.
My Rosemary Moment
FOCUS.
Learn from playing.
Learn from other musicians.
Learn that memories don't kill.
The series from The Hallmark Channel - When Calls the Heart introduces Rosemary LeVeaux, episode 11 of Season 1. Pascale Hutton (my heroine) is Rosemary, the actress and stage performer from New York City, who is irrepressible, outspoken and a hoot.
The long story is: she wishes to reignite her 'near engagement' to Mountie Jack Thornton. She arrives in Coal Valley set to win back his heart after tossing him aside to pursue an acting career on Broadway. The short story: Mountie Jack is pursuing Elizabeth Thatcher, the new schoolteacher and has moved on from Rosemary and her grandiose fickleness.
Betterness not bitterness.
Rosemary is very self-assured and uses her flair and exuberance to persuade others to agree with her view of life. But her efforts are to no avail as Mountie Jack is immovable.
Rosemary is my heroine for this reason: she made a bad decision, she took a wrong turn, and it cost her greatly. She took someone's presence and love in her life for granted. When she realized what she had tossed aside, she found that it was too late. The relationship could not be restored to its prior state.
And this is where the worth of Rosemary rises.
At first, Rosemary is petty and manipulative, testing both Jack and Elizabeth to see if she can derail their new relationship. She finally meets a strong resistance from Jack, who is truthful with her - without being unkind.
Rosemary, in turn, shows true integrity by respecting Jack's choice which does not include her. She puts aside her hurt, her vindictiveness, and she begins to see her options. She begins to work at finding a peace with herself and others.
Rosemary chose to become better not bitter.
the journal of Music
HERE.
Choosing brave.
Choosing curiosity.
Choosing the long way home.
Opening the door to music opens the door to my music past. Music is an emotional expression and those emotions are imprinted like muscle memories. If I am trying to recall a past event, I find that if I can re-feel what I was feeling at the time, I can recall the event clearly.
thoughts > feelings > actions {all connect}
With a propensity to go dark, journaling through Shadow Work Journal and Workbook by Natasha Attard, Ph.D. is a gem found. Self-image. Body-image. Fears of aging. The downfall of performers. Change has always thrown me into outer space.
It wasn't the easy choice, until it became the only choice.
Curiosity doesn't care how it looks. Living outside of self is the true freedom. Our culture is consumed with serving self, comforting self, entertaining self, living for self. True freedom is the absence of thought of self. That is living in the moment. What does one think on when not having thoughts of ones self. Curious question.
Let it take the time it takes.
Choose the long way home. Self-reflection, meditation, practicing a new mindset, all take time. Learning a new song, playing an instrument, writing an essay, sketching a picture, all take time. Praying for a desired outcome, wanting something to happen, to start, to end, or to heal - it takes time.
Improv playground
Play Every Day.
Circle.
Go Live.
Connection.
Today is the first improv class to Go LIVE with {PED} Play Every Day. This pilot season offered by Fiddlehed.com gathers musicians from across the USA and worldwide together in one bold, personal journey of developing the habit of playing music every day.
For so many participants, it is a restart, a return to music, a new beginning. All levels of proficiency are welcome, as well as all instruments, learning the Fiddlehed way. Jason Kleinberg is the creator and instructor of Fiddlehed.com
For me, I will try and make more Rosemary Decisions - for Better not bitter.
my music book altered
I've been absent from myself so long, it's like I'm at a meet & greet.
Flamingo It! is a continuous journal of finding a way back to a life that is true. To connect with those who are also inspired to get up and do their dreams. We do not fear failure, we fear not trying.
{Flamingo It!}
Flamingo It!
say Bye-bye to the flock of pigeonsFlamingo It!
walk with CuriosityFlamingo It!
soar the journeyFlamingo It!
give negativity its Burn NoticeFlamingo It!
choose my Sweetspot alwaysFlamingo It!
live life in all Moments